(Road rage at a roundabout) A: “Hey you wonna INDICATE so I can get on with my day!”

Man explaining Hodgson being replaced by Kenny at Liverpool to wifey-

“it’s like replacing Gabrielle by resurrecting Edie in desperate housewives! Like changing katie holmes for jake’s bloody sister in batman. Like Johnny Depp dumping Vanessa for Winona. You see?”

Wife- *long silence* “Yeah I honestly don’t listen that much to you anymore so…”

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