I’m in love with Mila Kunis (yes, Friends with benefits was playing on the laptop while I was making dinner ok). Just a little bit. Fast talking, sassy, gorgeous, head strong and most importantly a great career woman (stubborn that lady). Oh and bad ass. Obviously. Honestly, here’s a hot woman with substance and charisma, I’m hooked. Not that the boy needs to know that, but still. Her and Lauren Graham (Lorelai Gilmore – Gilmore Girls, WB & currently starring in ‘Parenthood’ as a single mom/budding playwright). Their humour, sass, and determination is part of what inspires me about women in our industry. The big M of edia. Film. Whatchamacallit…
At the moment I’m in that place in my career where I’ve worked my ass off to get to this stage. It’s like a cliff. Many more are up there before the top comes into view, but I can see quite a few beneath me too so I’m feeling good about it. Progress. Whoop. To be honest though two other things have come up along with it. Worry that I’m not doing enough, and of how to get to the next level/what the next level is in my current job. And that ticking sound women usual associate with babies. (I know. Intimacy/future commitment issues. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t babies, but… Well… clearly a discussion for another time). For me it seems to record time left until I need to give up on that Emmy dream (the dress has been spotted, so at least we’ve got one thing sorted).
Seriously though. I’ve not even hit my mid twenties yet. I should be relaxing. Everyone says so. But then I look around. Yes my career has done well so far, yes I’ve finally landed on comfortable money and good prospects (as long as I don’t fuck up… must stay on path!). All in all life is good. But that’s just it. It’s good but not there. I’m so far away from working with drama I can’t even see it (apart from occasional studio visits to pick up kit for live sports). Again. Live Sports. Who would have thought!
Don’t get me wrong, I love every moment of it and am soaking in the lessons on media distribution, business plans, live producing, wining and dining (and oh boy do they do a lot of big contract works that way!!). But am worrying. Where’s my portfolio. Where’s my creative touch… Is this the business of films equivalent to PA-3rd-2nd-1st? Still… There’s love for it.
So what’s a girl to do? Scour the google-net for evening producing courses and plan summer options. And offer to produce/terrorise with deadlines ‘A’s next film venture. Yes… Well, we’re young, stubborn, funny, and determined. (and gorgeous). So why not. Mila and Lauren did it. It may take a while, it always does, but damn it… I’m holding onto that goal until the ticking is so loud it makes the house move. Damn it.