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A Review of Looper and the Conclusion that Hollywood Sucks Bum.

Disclaimer: “Rant:  To speak or write in an angry or violent manner.” Contains Spoilers.

Three things I knew yesterday:

  1. Looper is an awesome film.
  2. People download films.
  3. I want to work in the film industries.

Three things I know today:

  1. Looper is actually not that great.
  2. People download films because there’s little worth paying good money for.
  3. I really want to work in the film industries and make them better.

Let me tell you how I reached these conclusions.

Yesterday I went to see Looper at my local Odeon. I’d heard great things (“It’s this generation’s The Matrix” blah blah), I was excited and ready to be blown away. Instead, I found myself seriously bored halfway through, and because I’m an obnoxious little know-it-all, I began analysing why I had reached such a state of non-interest.

Firstly, the protagonist is a husk of a human being and, apart from the ridiculous amount of eyebrow pencil he’s been forced to wear, I do not feel for any sympathy for him. Secondly, the villains are obviously terrible at being criminals and I do not feel threatened by their ineptitude. Thirdly, since we got to horribly-thin Emily Blunt’s farm the plot has looped in a whole other direction (see what I did there?).

My main problem with the film is the telekinesis. It’s casually introduced early in the film (“oh by the way, we can float coins now”) and you’re so unimpressed that you don’t think it’s going to be particularly relevant. Until HELLO strange demonic child who can flip cars with his mind? I thought this film was about time travel?!! But this kid will grow up to be the bad guy from the future? So now Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a really distracting nose and Bruce Willis is murdering kids for his mail-order Asian bride? That’s ridiculous!

Until finally we reach the end – oh my god, he has to kill himself to save the world? ONE: how fucking original. TWO: that would never happen because Joe is a selfish, greedy, drug addict who’s spent the whole film trying to save his sorry excuse for a life. There’s no way in hell he’d sacrifice himself.

I’m being quite harsh. I did enjoy the film’s production design. The special effects were swell and I thought the acting was actually very good (especially the terrifying child).

But the story felt like the kind of script idea you come up with when you’re high and/or drunk: “So it’s like set in the future, and they can time travel, but it’s totally illegal. And he’s so totally addicted to this new drug that they drip in through their eyeballs. Just so cool. But his future self comes back in time, and he’s gotta catch him before the bad guys kill him. And… and people are telekinetic! Oh my god YES! And this kid, he can, like, kill people just by looking at them! And the guy, the only way he can save everybody is if he shoots himself and it’s like so heroic, and so that ends the cycle so the kid doesn’t grow up to be evil in the future! Duuuuude.”

If we agree that the plot wasn’t all that grand, why has this film received so much hype and media attention?

Could it be because this is the first non-remake, non-prequel, non-sequel, non kids/animated, original film to come out of Hollywood in a LONG time. People aren’t used to having something completely new offered to them. Naturally, we all peed our pants a little (me, equally guilty).

I haven’t done any research, or put that much thought into this, but doesn’t it seem logical that if Hollywood actually made some new and decent films, people would actually go out to the cinema to see them? Who’s going to spend £8 on a ticket to see a remake they know won’t be as good as the original? Or to see a forced, un-exciting sequel of a film? Only the people too moral/scared/computer-illiterate to download. Much better to find a good torrent or to wait for the DVD to drop down from £15 to £3.

When will Hollywood understand that yes, remaking Back to the Future, or another Pirates of the Caribbean film, is a safe bet, but riskier, more exciting, original films will pay off in the long run?

Jaws, Alien, Avatar, Inception, Titanic…. all great original films (ignoring any subsequent sequels) – we need new filmmakers with fresh ideas who can erase the predictability from blockbusters and give birth to a new Hollywood.

Now for the corny ending: I want to be there in the middle of it all when the film industry reaches its next golden era. Awwwwww so inspiring/Please excuse me while I vomit on my shoes.

Rant over for now. I’m deeply sorry if you actually read to the end of this post  – don’t you have better things to do, like writing the next Titanic? Geez.

A xx

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